Soldiers Base Jump for the Poppy

Posted by Jacko | Filed under Jacko Interviews

I’m not a crazy guy. “What do you mean, you’re not crazy, Jacko?” you cry. Yeah, it’s surprising. After all, I studied science at university; I spend my evenings in front of a computer, writing fictional tales about vampires and benefit-fraud; and I was Great Yarmouth’s finest table tennis player, U15 category, in the year of 1995.

Those things may sound like off-the-wall shenanigans to you, but seriously, I’m a meat and potatoes kind of guy. I’m from Norfolk and we don’t like crazy stuff (marrying sisters isn’t crazy, it’s legal). We like a nice quite life, and we believe that B.A.S.E. Jumping is something that can only be enjoyed by the clinically insane (incidentally, these people are not insane; they are possessed by demons, demons possibly from Suffolk).

For those who don’t know what B.A.S.E. jumping is, have a read of this…Go Go Wikipedia

For those who can’t read (my Norfolk brethren)…

I’ll take them at table tennis.

Damn impressive, huh? The lads in the video are part of the Jump4Heroes team and Major Alastair Macartney, Warrant Officer Class One Spencer Hogg and Corporal Deane Smith went on to jump off the bloody Eiger (it’s in the vid, actually). Clint Eastwood could only perform a sanction on the Eiger, these boys jumped off it!

Jump4Heroes aren’t happy at simply jumping off a ridiculously dangerous rock. No, they’ve got something bigger planned. Ruth Powell is the PR consultant behind the boys.  She used to work for Apple Computers, but now she’s a marketing pro who uses all her skills, creativity, expertise and a li’l’ bit of magic and love for a successful, high profile fund-raising campaign for UK charity, Help for Heroes which supports the wounded in current conflicts. So far, she’s helped raise over a million quid!  She volunteers for all this. She’s a bloody good egg.  She took time to tell me what these guys have got planned next.

 

Ruth, great to have you here. Jump4Heroes, are they just a group of mentalists? Can you tell us a bit about them?
I help out on a number of fundraising projects behind Help for Heroes and Jump4Heroes is one of them. They kinda kidnapped me (not in a bad way) and I’ve been involved with some of their daredevil, high visibility activities which raise publicity and awareness for the service charities.

What sort of things have they done?
Well you’ve posted the video of their Norway training and their Eiger jump. They come up with some awesome ideas such as sky diving in a red poppy formation over Tower Bridge for Poppy Day, and calmly stepping off the top of a pod of the London Eye. They’re dedicated professionals, and serving officers too, so every trip is leave. Alastair looks after the other two, who we call the ‘kids.’  Smudge (Dean) is a Para commando and defuses the IEDs [Improvised Explosive Device, or bombs for us civvies] in Afghanistan. I can’t imagine the nerves of steel you’d need for a job that dangerous but he doesn’t tell me much, he just comes back and gets jumping.  Spence is also a top army Nordic skier. He jumped freefall and took their this fantastic picture.

I think they’re more than brave. Their military discipline makes sure they do things absolutely accurately. They’re the ultimate professionals. ‘Adrenaline junkies’ I think young people of today call them.

 
Yes, we do.
They’re determined to get me doing something called a tandem.

 
Oh aye….
Pack it in! I jumped out of a perfectly good plane in Hereford once. A SAS man trained me and shouted VERY LOUDLY and quite rudely for me to get out of the open door so Alistair reckons Ive got it in me but need the real experts to tandem. You’re welcome to join us, Jacko?

 
I’d love to Ruth, but, unfortunately, a freak table tennis accident in my younger days means that won’t be happening, nor will regular intercourse. Tough leagues, back then, man. Tough leagues.
Chicken.

 
Moving on. What have they got planned next? Eiger not big enough?
No it’s not! The boys want a world record. They want to take part in something that can only be called the marathon of B.A.S.E. jumps.  Alastair and Smudge will take part in the record attempt, jumping off the Menara Kuala Lumpur Tower in Malaysia during 28-29 October 2009 (starting about midnight, UK time). It’s the fifth highest communications tower in the World. 

Whoa! The jump will be a cakewalk compared to surviving an attack from that giant nerd and his merciless use of Star Trek facts.

Erm…try this one, my dear:

 

Oh, right. Look at the size of that thing!
The daredevil B.A.S.E. jumpers will leap from 915 feet, with up to 6 seconds in freefall before opening their parachutes and floating down to delicately land in front of the crowds of spectators.

That’s mighty impressive. So what makes this a world record?
The lads will form part of a team of 24 people, each who, over 24 hours, will jump each hour, every hour. They’ll be jumping with the Royal British Legion flag (poppy) and, as this is a world record attempt, it will definitely get lots of publicity.

And damned right it should. That is an amazing feat of endurance. This isn’t the sort of thing people usually do for charity events, is it? Couldn’t they have sat in a bath of beans for a medium-to-long period of time?
These guys don’t make things easy for themselves. They are serving soldiers who are paying tribute and respect to those out there, those fallen and those wounded. Remember

How can people donate money to Help the Heroes and Jump for Heroes?
They can find out more from the websites: http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk/ and http://www.jump4heroes.com/ There are links there to all the other activities that are going on and also links for donating money to these fantastic causes.

There you have it folks, and to finish…here’s a salute to the greatest B.A.S.E Jumper in history.



He’s never sat in a bath of beans, either.

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Read more | Comments (3) | October 28th, 2009

If Roger Moore Can Ski, Why Can’t I?

Posted by Jacko | Filed under Chewing of Fat

I AM ALIVE!!

I got back from my debut skiing holiday, last night. in one piece!  Posh is not the word for Verbier; it is unbelievably posh- so, posh is probably the right word, actually.  Shut up! I have been away for a week and I can’t remember how to write.  Never really knew how to in the first place.  Anyway, I can now add skiing to my list of elitist sports along with once being a member of a golf club.    Add to that, the fact that I am from Norfolk, which means that my ancestors were undoubtedly incestuous and that makes me think that my social status is changing, and I am entering the upper classes!  What do you reckon?

So how did the skiing go?  Well, I had my day’s lesson in the Snowdome, where I learned how to travel very slowly down a very small hill, and then it was off to Verbier, one of the most difficult ski resorts in the world.  My Mrs, Peelo, is a really good skier, but, unfortunately, has no comprehension of what it is like to start skiing (yeah, she’s posh and has been skiing since she was ten).  So there I am going up the Medran lift standing in the cable car, going up vertically over craggy rocks, straight to hell, and yeah, I am a little nervous.  Several minutes later, we are at the top, and we have to get in another cable car, because we haven’t gone high enough yet!  WTF!? Not high enough?

Up we go again, and to the top of a blue run, which looks like a vertical drop to me, and it is time to begin.  I point my skis down to the bottom, and I go.  I didn’t understand the concept of skiing.  I thought I’d just slow down when the hill got a bit shallower. 

I fly down, grin on my face, enjoying the wind whistling through my hair.  A shout of “TURN!  TURN! TURN!” came from behind me, and I realise that I didn’t really know how to turn, especially when travelling at high velocity.  So I didn’t.  I crashed, tumbled and slid for twenty metres, skis and poles flying.

“Are you alright?”

“…Yeah.”

“What were you doing?”

“Skiing.”

“Why didn’t you turn?”

“Don’t know how.”

I took things a little bit slowly, from there on in.   Although I went down the hardest red in the resort to get to a pub, on my first morning, and then accidentally went down a black run, in the afternoon.  I weren’t a happy bunny.

I always knew I was dicing with death when I tried on my skiing trousers, just before the holiday, and they did not give me the flexibility that I required.  It was too late to take them back, so I thought I’d go for it.  Day three: Last corner, massive spill. I was filled with pain and my ears were filled with the sound of ripping cloth as I slid down the mountain in the splits position. My trousers had ripped from my ass to my old fella.

I still had three days left, so i decided to stitch them up and add some ducktape to seal the deal. That morning, in the lesson, my instructor gets us to go a little faster, and I gladly oblige. It starts to worry me when my manbits start getting a little chilly, and children start crying and skiing off cliffs to get away from me. Yes, they had split again. I didn’t even try to hide the rip, after that. I finished skiing over 48 hours ago, and it still hasn’t warmed up.

Then, whilst chilling, literally, in a pub, I sat at the bar taking out the cotton with my thumb and forefinger. I wondered why I was getting some truly disgusting looks from the other patrons( poshness levels were through the roof, by the way) and then I realised that my rhythmical tugging of cotton from my crotch would have looked like a vile act, to all onlookers.

But then I started to get the hang of the skiing.  I honestly hated skiing at first, as I couldn’t really do the stuff they were trying to get me to do in Ski-School.   I quit the school, and just tried to get down, my way.  I look awful, but by the end, I could ski all the way down the hardest red in the resort, with only one big spill.  I enjoyed the holiday, but it is really expensive, and probably averaged at £5 a pint.  I don’t think I have reached the upper classes.  Some of the other skiers’ accents didn’t sound real.  Another weird thing was that I only saw two people who weren’t white, in the entire resort!

Fifteen people have died in Verbier, this season.  Most of them, however, were responsible for their own deaths.  Two walkers were caught in an avalanche when there were avalanche warnings.  They were thrown down the mountain, and to the bottom of a lake.  Another paraglider did not service his equipment, and his parachute broke and he fell onto a pylon wire, where he was split into two.  However, Switzerland has 500 accidents that involve head injuries from skiing or boarding, every day.  Probably worth wearing a helmet, in future.

If you get the chance to give skiing a go, do it.  There are so many amazing views and it’s really rewarding every time you feel you are making any improvements. The nightlife was really good, not that I made it out very often due to being knackered, most of the time.  Plus, if you don’t like skiing, you can just go to the top of the mountain, grab a deckchair, enjoy a scandalously priced beer, and soak up the sun.  It’s amazing how hot it is, 3000m up, if you haven’t split your pants. 

If Roger Moore can ski, why can’t I?

Because Roger is the man.

Ciao, darlings!

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Read more | Comments (13) | March 22nd, 2009