Who Is Mark Jackman?

Posted by Jacko

I am Mark Jackman

“This is the blog of England’s foremost author, scientist, hunk, sportsman, musician and virgin.”

Alright, alright, I know that’s a pretty big statement and not entirely true.   But before you ignore this blog, and go off searching for naked ladies on the internet, give me a chance to explain.

England… I was born in Great Yarmouth and now live in Loughborough. Yes, I am English, as were most of my inbred ancestors. I believe that the British sense of humour is second to none. Pubs are what make this country great and you can’t get the same pub atmosphere anywhere else in the world!

Author…  I am, actually.  The Great Right Hope is my debut novel, and has been e-published by LL-Publications.  It is the only book in the world which combines vampires, dogging, benefit-fraud, alcoholism and Midddlesbrough.  Have a look at the The Great Right Hope’s website for more info.

Hunk… The definition of a hunk, according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, is an “attractive, and usually well-built man.”  It can also mean a “large lump without a definitive shape.”  I’m 6′2” and 230 lbs; that is a definition of a hunk, baby.

 

Scientist… Again, this one is true.  I am a scientist, by trade.  I have a chemistry degree from the University of York and I work as a researcher.  You aren’t here for tales of science and adventure.  There isn’t that much adventure, really.  Saying that, I have stabbed a syringe full of drugs into my chest, set fire to a lab and sprayed strong acid everywhere, during my illustrious career. 

 

Musician… Well, yeah, kind of.  I have resurrected my old boy band, Five Inches of Steel, who ripped it up across the karaoke pubs of the UK in the early noughties.  We are starting to produce our own music videos, which are setting the music industry on fire!

Sportsman… I play sport and I am a man. So by default, I am a sportsman.  Sporting successes:  U15s and U17s Great Yarmouth Table Tennis Champion, U12s Norfolk Cricket County Finalist, U9s Norfolk County Football 6-a-side Semi-Finalist, 3rd Place in the Heavyweight British Stick Fighting Championships (five entered, I beat one fat dwarf), University of York’s 800m Walking Champion (2000), Golf Handicap: 16, Average Darts Score: 26.  If that doesn’t say ‘Sportsman,’ I don’t know what does.

These are the only two pictures of me, that I could find, playing sport and I’m drinking in both of them… shocking.

Virgin… well, not exactly.  It may surprise you to know that I had full sex with a woman, once.  However, I have never been penetrated by a man, outside the office of a practising doctor (passed a lot of blood after a particularly challenging bench-press and thought it best that I get checked out).

 

Foremost… OK, OK, I may not be the best at any of them things, but, in the whole wide world. No.  In the whole universe, I reckon out of all the Englishmen, who have written a book about vampires and dogging; who weigh more than 229lbs;  have a chemistry degree; written songs about dogging; legally beaten a short fat dwarf with a stick, average 26 at darts; shit blood after a big bench press and then get probed by a small asian doctor with BIG fingers, I reckon I am the best.

So that’s me.  Why read my blog, then?

MY BLOG!

As you have probably guessed, I don’t take myself too seriously, and my blog won’t be serious, either.  I want to speak to interesting people and will interview people from all walks of life. I’ll do the odd review, now and then, when the mood takes me.  Otherwise, I’ll spout off with random ramblings, of which, you will learn nothing from, but hopefully you’ll get a chuckle out of. Drop me a mail at jackhammer@mark-jackman.com if you want to be interviewed or have something you think I should blog about.

Permalink | January 18th, 2009

5 Responses to “Who Is Mark Jackman?”

  1. joli Says:
    February 15th, 2009 at 11:18 pm

    I’m the first!!!

  2. Val Pearson Says:
    April 26th, 2009 at 11:01 am

    LOL ….. OMG, laughing about the short Asian guy with big fingers!

  3. Jacko Says:
    April 26th, 2009 at 2:41 pm

    It was no laughing matter at the time!

    “Relax, Mr. Jackman.”

    “I… can’t.”

  4. VON Says:
    May 25th, 2009 at 3:31 pm

    I am veclempted…….

  5. Josh Myers Says:
    January 23rd, 2010 at 6:03 am

    A time bending ventriloquist whig party member, with a penchant for marmalade and erotically drawn duck caricatures?

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